Scene 1
INT. DENTENTION ROOM. DAY
MR CROSS is in the detention room supervising ED, who is in
detention. MR CROSS is tapping his pen whilst he is waiting for the clock to
strike 3. ED looks in his bag full of pens but instead he ask MR CROSS for a
pen to start writing his lines
ED
(Puts hand up and
asks with no emotion)
Can I borrow a pen
sir?
MR CROSS picks up a pen from his bi bag of pens and is
hesitant to give ED the pen, he gives ED the worst pen. MR CROSS also give ED a
dirty look. MR CROSS’ phone starts to ring. MR CROSS steps out of the room
whilst answering his phone. ED notices MR CROSS leaving the room. With MR
CROSS’ big bag full of pens in sight, ED gets up with his bag and goes to MR
CROSS’ desk. ED confidently takes one pen and places it in his bag. Consumed by
greed he begins to open MR CROSS’ draws and takes even more pens. Whilst ED’S
back is facing the door, MR CROSS silently walks in and stands by the door with
his hands crossed.
MR CROSS
(Coughs &
walks closer to ED)
ED turns around with his bag in his hands and sees MR CROSS
MR CROSS
(Aggressively whilst
grabbing ED’S arm)
Come with me now… To
the heads office!
INT.HALLWAY/ SECRET CLOAKROOM .DAY
ED and MR CROSS walk towards to the heads masters office in
silence. ED is nervous and starts to worry about the consequences as his
conscience starts to take over his thoughts.
CONSCIENCE
You have done it
again ED.
What will your mum
say this time?
You’ll be grounded
for life.
As they arrive next to the head teacher’s office, ED notices
MR CROSS closing the half open head teacher’s door. ED is astonished, without
saying a word ED and MR CROSS continue to walk silently. Not knowing where MR
CROSS is taking him ED begins to get scared. MR CROSS turns into a corridor
which ED has never seen before.
MR CROSS
(Points to the
corridor)
Panicking ED follows Mr cross. They stop at a door.
MR CROSS
(Looks around and
then quietly open the doors
The room is dark and consist of a large map of students and
pens on the wall which was labelled, a chair and a desk which has a black table
lamp sitting on it. In the corner of the room ED notices pencil cases with
names labelled on it assorted in alphabetical order. MR CROSS explains to ED
that he admires ED’S stationary stealing skills. MR CROSS gives ED the
opportunity to steal more pens but, ED has to give it back to MR CROSS.
MR CROSS
(Turns around and
looks ED in the eye)
So… You like pens ay?
ED
(Gulps)
ED
(Nervously and
quietly)
Yes.
SCENE 3
INT.INSIDE THE CLOAK ROOM. DAY
MR CROSS
(Sitting down behind
his desk and say’s sternly)
You are guilty of
committing a felony.
Now you are
considered as a young offender
Within the school.
Well done, are you happy?!
ED
(GULPS)
MR CROSS
However, I am willing
to make a deal with you… I want you to give me back what’s mine.
Pens!
Every years we have
pupils come and go and pens come and go.
Now it’s time to get
my pens. The Red pens!
ED and MR CROSS set up an incredible pen stealing network
over the next few weeks. ED is consumed by greed and starts to steal pens for
himself. Ed steals RED pens from the head teachers office the most hardest and
desired pen.
MRCROSS betrays ED and takes the red pens for himself. ED is
set up by MR CROSS and is caught by the head teacher who hands him over to the
pen police.
PEN POLICE
Hello, hello, hello.
Who ‘ave we got here
ay ?
MR CROSS is seen placing a pencil case with ED’S name on it
next to the other pencil cases.
MR CROSS leaves the room to stand next to the head masters
office. Whilst standing outside the heads office a young boy is walking past
him.
MR CROSS
(SMILING)
So… you like pens ay
?
MR CROSS insist that the boy follows him to the secret cloak
room.
• Changed Ed’s normal size bag to a huge bag in order to emphasise his love for pens and how many he steals
ReplyDelete• Made Ed’s bag colour coordinated to show his obsession is similar to that of Mr Cross’
• Also gave Mr Cross a huge bag to show the two have something in common to show Mr Cross has an obsession
• Added Mr Cross feeling hesitant to show he has a problem with giving pens out despite his hundreds in his bag and desk drawers
• Also made Mr Cross give Ed an ugly broken pen even though he had many more normal ones to show he hates sharing with his students, especially his knew stuff
• Made Ed take his bag to the desk to show he doesn’t like leaving his pens behind, and he has big plans to steal Mr Cross’ pens, also to show he is a professional
• Added Ed being caught from behind with his bag of pens
• Added a voice over of Ed being worried about getting in trouble, so audience are as surprised as Ed when the plans change, show typical thoughts when a child is sent to the head teachers office
• Added a fade to black when entering the room to show suspense of what’s inside the room
• Changed the dialogue to police jargon to make the matter seem more serious even though it’s about pens
• Add more dialect to explain the story and make sure the audience are fully aware of what’s going on
• Add more scenes to make the story more interesting and add more layers to it, also to add to logical causality and add depth to the characters