·
Changed Ed’s normal size bag to a huge bag in
order to emphasise his love for pens and how many he steals
·
Made Ed’s bag colour coordinated to show his
obsession is similar to that of Mr Cross’
·
Also gave Mr Cross a huge bag to show the two have
something in common to show Mr Cross has an obsession
·
Added Mr Cross feeling hesitant to show he has a
problem with giving pens out despite his hundreds in his bag and desk drawers
·
Also made Mr Cross give Ed an ugly broken pen
even though he had many more normal ones to show he hates sharing with his
students, especially his knew stuff
·
Made Ed take his bag to the desk to show he
doesn’t like leaving his pens behind, and he has big plans to steal Mr Cross’
pens, also to show he is a professional
·
Added Ed being caught from behind with his bag
of pens
·
Added a voice over of Ed being worried about getting
in trouble, so audience are as surprised as Ed when the plans change, show
typical thoughts when a child is sent to the head teachers office
·
Added a fade to black when entering the room to
show suspense of what’s inside the room
·
Changed the dialogue to police jargon to make
the matter seem more serious even though it’s about pens
·
Add more dialect to explain the story and make sure
the audience are fully aware of what’s going on
·
Add more scenes to make the story more interesting
and add more layers to it, also to add to logical causality and add depth to
the characters
Scene 1
INT. DENTENTION ROOM. DAY
MR CROSS is in the detention room supervising ED, who is in detention. MR CROSS is tapping his pen whilst he is waiting for the clock to strike 3. ED looks in his big bag which has three carrier bags inside of it all consisting of pens which are colour coordinated, but instead of using one of them he asks MR CROSS for a pen to start writing his lines
ED
(Puts
hand up and asks with no emotion)
Can I
borrow a pen sir?
MR CROSS picks up a pen from his big bag of pens and is hesitant to give ED the pen, he gives ED the worst pen. MR CROSS also give ED a dirty look. MR CROSS’ phone starts to ring. MR CROSS steps out of the room whilst answering his phone. ED notices MR CROSS leaving the room. With MR CROSS’ big bag full of pens in sight, ED gets up with his bag of colour coordinated pens and goes to MR CROSS’ desk. ED confidently takes one pen and places it in his bag. Consumed by greed he begins to open MR CROSS’ draws and takes even more pens. Whilst ED’S back is facing the door, MR CROSS silently walks in and stands by the door with his hands crossed.
MR
CROSS
(Coughs
& walks closer to ED)
ED turns around with his bag in his hands and sees MR CROSS
MR
CROSS
(Aggressively
whilst grabbing ED’s arm)
Come
with me now… To the heads office!
SCENE 2
INT.HALLWAY/ SECRET CLOAKROOM .DAY
ED and MR CROSS walk towards to the heads masters office in silence. ED is nervous and starts to worry about the consequences as his conscience starts to take over his thoughts.
CONSCIENCE
You have done it again ED.
What will your mum say this time?
You’ll be grounded for life.
As they arrive next to the head teacher’s office, ED notices MR CROSS closing the half open head teacher’s door. ED is astonished, without saying a word ED and MR CROSS continue to walk silently. Not knowing where MR CROSS is taking him ED begins to get scared. MR CROSS turns into a corridor which ED has never seen before.
MR CROSS
(Points to the corridor)
Panicking ED follows Mr cross. They stop at a door.
MR CROSS
(Looks around and then quietly open
the door) Screen goes pitch black
INT.INSIDE THE CLOAK ROOM. DAY
When the lights come on we see that the room consists of a large crime board of students and pens on the wall which is labelled, a chair and a desk which has a black table lamp sitting on it MR CROSS is standing behind the table and ED is sitting in front of him. In the corner of the room ED notices pencil cases with names labelled on it assorted in alphabetical order.
MR
CROSS
(Turns
around and looks ED in the eye)
So… You
like pens ay?
ED
(Gulps)
ED
(Nervously
and quietly)
Yes.
MR
CROSS
(Sitting
down behind his desk MR CROSS demeanour changes into ‘cockney bloke’ )
(MR
CROSS takes a breath)
MR
CROSS
I’ve
got a proposition for you Ed… I want you to get me back what’s mine.
Get me
back my pens. Every year students ask me for pens and never return them.
Now
it’s my turn… to get back my pens, and I think you’re the man for the job.
You know
what I mean?
ED
(Smirks
and nods)
SCENE 4
Over the next few days ED and MR CROSS set up an incredible pen stealing network. A montage is shown of ED stealing pens and the big bag of pens getting filled more and more each day. ED is consumed by greed and starts to steal pens for himself. One day MR CROSS offers ED another proposition.
MR CROSS
Ed, I’ve got a new mission for you.
After seeing how skilful you are, I can see it’s in your blood, you do some of
the finest work I’ve ever seen. And so… I invite you, to join me… on the
ultimate pen heist.
(ED’s eyes widen as the sound of this
task sounds exciting)
MR CROSS
Ah! I knew you would be up to it,
now. We have lots of work to do. Firstly, the object you are to retrieve safely
is placed here
(MR CROSS gets out a map of the
school and points to the head teachers office)
MR CROSS
You will walk in around 10:35 and
10:40, no earlier and no later, he will be getting his morning coffee from the
staff room. You sneak in, take 3 steps forward, turn 90 degrees and take 2 more
steps, carefully. DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING! To your right you will see a brand new
box of Bic’s finest red pens, placed next to the bowl of apples on his desk.
Grab them, and bring them to this room as quickly as you can, don’t forget to
shut the door behind you.
SCENE 5
MR CROSS is waiting in the staff room looking at his watch, at 10:35 the head teacher enters and grabs his coffee to go. MR CROSS quickly walks up to the head teacher
MR CROSS
Hey John. Hey what was that kid doing
in your room? You know, Ed?
JOHN
Ed? Now? In my room!?
MR CROSS
Yeah I saw him go in there a few
minutes ago, I assumed you were in there otherwise I’d have stopped him, you
might want to go and check that out!
MR CROSS does an either hand gesture and a crooked smile. Quickly HEAD TEACHER makes his way to his class room, ED has just discovered the box and is about to pick it up, next to them he see’s another box of unopened brand new pens, looks at the time and see’s he still has one more minute, ED picks them up too. When behind him, we see the head teacher standing there just like MR CROSS did previously.
HEAD TEACHER
(Coughs)
ED
(freezes)
(whispers)
Damn
Behind the HEAD TEACHER, MR CROSS appears
MR CROSS
Just called the pen police sir,
they’re on their way. Should have known a new box of pens like that would have
people sniffing around
HEAD TEACHER confused
Thank you MR CROSS
(MR CROSS nods
PEN POLICE arrive shortly and rush into the office
PEN POLICE
Well, well, well. A young offender
ay?
Edward Bic you are being arrested on
suspicion of theft, you do not have to say anything but anything you do say may
be given in evidence of which you later rely on in court.
As everyone vacates the room, MR CROSS while laughing to himself and shaking his head, walks into the room and grabs both boxes of pens on the desk, he spins around and dances out of the office.
SCENE 6
Back in his secret room, MR CROSS is looking in a mirror talking to himself
MR CROSS (to himself mimicking the
police)
Well, well, well, MR CROSS you’ve
only gone and done it again haha!
MR CROSS goes over to his row of pencil cases and adds another to his collection, after the letter D and strokes it, he looks at a register next to the pencil cases, and see’s the name Frank. We hear a knock on his door.
MR CROSS (shouts)
COME IN
BOY (FRANK)
You wanted to see me Sir?
MR CROSS
Yes…
MR CROSS goes over to the boy
MR CROSS
So… You like pens aye?
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